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| Nothing could be more wrong than to ignore the past, which is the bridge to the present. (Alexander Herzen) |
| Anecdotes about economists |
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An Economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
Three leading economists took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was , remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back.
But of course, they killed one each and come sunday, they talked the pilot into letting them bring all three dead moose onboard. So just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the economists woke up, looked around and said. where the hell are we. Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place there we crashed last year.
On the first day God created the sun - so the Devil countered and created sunburn. On the second day God created sex. In response the Devil created marriage. On the third day God created an economist. This was a tough one for the Devil, but in the end and after a lot of thought he created a second economist!
In Canada there is a small radical group that refuses to speak English and no one can understand them. They are called separatists. In the USA there is the same kind of group. They are called economists.
President Truman once said he wants an economic adviser who is one handed. Why? Because normally the economists giving him economic advice state "On one hand and on the other..."
Value of human capital
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work
---------- = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time =Money, we have
Work
--------- = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work
----------- = Money
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more money you Make.
But we know, that Work=Power x Distance
So we have:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
Postulate 3: Work=Power x Distance
Postulate 4: Distance=Speed x Time
Hence: Work=Power x Speed x Time
Work
--------------------=Time
Power x Speed
or:
Work
--------------------=Money
Knowledge x Time
Conclusion: With the same work more money will get stupid and lazy.
INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.
MARXIAN ECONOMIST VIRUS - Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened.
MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense."
CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.
SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS - Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you're trillion more dollars in debt.
NEW ECONOMY VIRUS - Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus." You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback.
ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS - Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.
A real story:
One day, the professor who taught Money and Banking in Buenos Aires told us: "I do not know if you will find a job as economists, but am sure you will know why you are going to be poor"
Several academics are asked whether all odd numbers are prime:p> Mathematician: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, and the result follows by induction.
Physicist: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is -- experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, ...
Engineer: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime...
Computer Scientist: let's see...3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime...
Economist: let's see...2 is prime, 4 is prime, 6 is prime...
Economic forecasters assume everything, except responsibility.
There are three sorts of economist. Those who can count, and those who can't.
An economics journal article should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to be provocative; long enough to have something substantial underneath.
In the Soviet Union, Stalin asked the Minister of Finance to give him an advice as to the establishment of the ruble convertibility. The minister produced a thick document, arguing in favor of establishment the rate 1 dollar = 14 rubles. Stalin looked at it and did not like that ruble is so undervalued. He took his red pencil and eliminated "1". The exchange rate was established at 1 dollar = 4 rubles.
The four golden rules of econometrics:
1.Think brilliantly,
2.Be infinitely creative,
3.Be outstandingly lucky,
4.Otherwise, stick to being a theorist
Forecasting is like trying to drive a car blindfolded and following directions given by a person who is looking out of the back window.
There are two things you are better off not watching in the making: sausages and econometric estimates.
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